When we talk about crime and its coverage in the news media, we are mostly looking at manipulated truth, truth that is mostly distorted and edited to capture the most dramatic elements. Crime sells and that’s universal. I am not much familiar with news programs here but in India there has been an onslaught of late-night crime news broadcasts that cover everything from witchcraft to burglaries. The perpetrators shown are mostly people from the slums, the underprivileged ones. Here, they are mostly black or Hispanics. Crime has a face and it is mostly black or of a poor man. They are shown as threats to the society.
When I was in Baltimore for the winter break, I was advised not to be in the downtown area after 4 p.m. as there are mostly blacks there and they are criminals. Crime rate is pretty high in Baltimore and many people think it is because most blacks stay there and also because of poverty. It is a vicious circle. Blacks are criminals because they are poor and they are poor because they are stupid and arrogant, attributes of a black person, largely supported and maintained by the media.
I will talk about my country because that’s familiar ground. There is a group of people, mostly tribals, who were classified as criminal tribe by the British because the rulers thought these underprivileged people were intrinsically criminal and went so far as to brand them. After independence, the nomenclature changed but the category remained. And the media did not do much to address it. As I read Dilip D’Souza’s Branded by Law, a book that explores the tribe and its travails as a result of this branding, I felt betrayed by the media. We seek the truth as audience but do we ever get nothing but the truth. I guess never.
The book is a remarkable attempt by D’Souza to portray the deep-set prejudices in India against certain communities through his own interactions with the DNTs especially the ‘Pardhis’ and the ‘Sabars’ tribes. It is also a well-researched documentation of the historical and social context, which pushed the community to the periphery of civil justice and social life depriving them of the basic human rights.
He describes his personal encounters with the people once branded as criminal and now after being denotified, continue to live in the shadow of their derogatory branding.
In course of his examination of the various laws which were passed to for a repeal of the Criminal Tribes Act in 1952, after India became independent, not much has been done to uplift the DNTs. One incident that really set me thinking was the murder of Limbu Jayaram Bhosle ‘s husband (both Pardhis) because he happened to steal pomegranates to appease his pregnant wife’s desire. Is that what being criminal is? And does the media have no responsibility toward clearing misconceptions? By keeping quiet, media says a lot.
The most interesting thing is that D’Souza also draws a comparison between the bias against certain categories of people in the US and these tribes here. He talks about gypsies, blacks and other communities in various other countries who also suffer from distrust and prejudice and all the evils that come along with them. And that seems to be so true. I remember watching the promos of a certain program called the Cops or something like that and almost all the cops were white and the criminals were black, which goes on to prove media’s branding and its selective treatment of crime.
As a creator and distributor of information, I see an urgent and inherent need to be unbiased and reflect social or crime issues.
Curbs on the freedom of movement, grinding poverty and lack of opportunities have resulted in generating an attitude of frustration and anger in the DNTs in India and blacks or Hispanics in United States toward the society. As I understand, the social alienation and isolation of communities have largely been responsible to a great extent for civil strife and agitations.
The faith that people repose in the media is reflected by the account of Mithun Gongajya Shinde of Rajale village urging D’Souza to publish the photographs of the people of his community so that the people come to know about their conditions. Media has a tremendous task to fulfill in a country where the prejudices are so deeply ingrained.
The fact that the DNTs still continue to live in clusters and have not yet achieved absorption in the society is a mockery of democracy and the fundamental rights. Media acts as a watchdog of the society and the issue of DNTs has to be treated as a social disorder by them for a complete restoration of the lost dignity to these hapless people.
The socially oppressed must rise and it is the fourth estate’s obligation to bridge the gap and erase prejudices. The lack of political will to better conditions must be compensated by media’s will.
Friday, September 29, 2006
media and us...continued
“Muslims have hatred in their hearts,” said one Indian student who I met at a common friend’s house. We were all talking about religion and suddenly the conversation veered to Muslims and Pakistan. The guy then went on to convince me about his statement regarding Muslims. He argued that terrorists were mostly Muslims or in fact most Muslims were terrorists. He used the two words as synonyms.
The recent controversy regarding the Danish cartoons and subsequent conversations made me think. I am no spokesperson for Islam. But it made me uncomfortable to see a few of my classmates say that Muslims are arrogant and the Danish paper was just exercising its freedom of expression. They have problems with the reaction that has Muslims all over the world burning embassies, protesting and issuing fatwas. I have a problem with that too. But they do not understand or consciously fail to understand that Muslims are a set of people and not just violent terrorists.
What is the freedom that we are talking about? The media images of Muslims are almost always negative, a bunch of crazy fanatics out there to take on the western world. Why can’t the media be more responsible? Why can’t they be fair? Almost all the initial reports that I read in the papers or the internet had no moderate Muslim speaking or expressing his views. The views were extremist and I feel the newspaper, and I am talking about the U.S. media, had an agenda, to defend what the Danish paper did. What is the justification for publishing those cartoons? Just to show that WE CAN DO IT or we are the champions of freedom of expression. Well then, that’s their expression and the whole world does not go by the western world’s liberal views. They are an entity and we need to respect that.
Why do we attribute arrogance and anger as being characteristic or defining features of a community? How much of effort do we make to understand and be tolerant of those of other faith and regard them as individuals? And should we not do it considering the present situations?
I am a First Amendment and freedom of speech and expression person but I think one must not be insensitive and hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. Religion is dear to people. And a lack of understanding of other religions or groups can lead to negative stereotypes that can in turn create fierce group loyalties. When people think there identity is under threat or their background is misunderstood, they start becoming a closed group. This is what the world at present is dealing with in case of Muslims. They are branding them and creating a stereotype, a negative one.
And we talk about white and black. That’s important. But I think it is not only about color now. There is a different kind of racism, something that is orchestrated and will have more serious ramifications if the media does not get its act together. Blacks were portrayed as evil or bad, but Mulsims are being shown as terrorists. Who is fighting for them here? That’s something for us to think about.
Section 2
The recent controversy regarding the Danish cartoons and subsequent conversations made me think. I am no spokesperson for Islam. But it made me uncomfortable to see a few of my classmates say that Muslims are arrogant and the Danish paper was just exercising its freedom of expression. They have problems with the reaction that has Muslims all over the world burning embassies, protesting and issuing fatwas. I have a problem with that too. But they do not understand or consciously fail to understand that Muslims are a set of people and not just violent terrorists.
What is the freedom that we are talking about? The media images of Muslims are almost always negative, a bunch of crazy fanatics out there to take on the western world. Why can’t the media be more responsible? Why can’t they be fair? Almost all the initial reports that I read in the papers or the internet had no moderate Muslim speaking or expressing his views. The views were extremist and I feel the newspaper, and I am talking about the U.S. media, had an agenda, to defend what the Danish paper did. What is the justification for publishing those cartoons? Just to show that WE CAN DO IT or we are the champions of freedom of expression. Well then, that’s their expression and the whole world does not go by the western world’s liberal views. They are an entity and we need to respect that.
Why do we attribute arrogance and anger as being characteristic or defining features of a community? How much of effort do we make to understand and be tolerant of those of other faith and regard them as individuals? And should we not do it considering the present situations?
I am a First Amendment and freedom of speech and expression person but I think one must not be insensitive and hurt anyone’s religious sentiments. Religion is dear to people. And a lack of understanding of other religions or groups can lead to negative stereotypes that can in turn create fierce group loyalties. When people think there identity is under threat or their background is misunderstood, they start becoming a closed group. This is what the world at present is dealing with in case of Muslims. They are branding them and creating a stereotype, a negative one.
And we talk about white and black. That’s important. But I think it is not only about color now. There is a different kind of racism, something that is orchestrated and will have more serious ramifications if the media does not get its act together. Blacks were portrayed as evil or bad, but Mulsims are being shown as terrorists. Who is fighting for them here? That’s something for us to think about.
Section 2
entries - media and us...
When my teacher in high school called me a lesbian just because I was a fan of this basketball player in school who happened to be a girl, I did not even know what it meant. Homosexuality was a subject that nobody talked about or even hinted at. This was in 8th grade. So I went back home and looked up the meaning in a dictionary.
That was my introduction to sexuality and its variations. It was not just man and woman who could be ‘happy ever after’ like how I was conditioned to believe. I knew eunuchs existed. I had seen them dancing and roaming around in trains or on busy roads clapping their hands at male commuters and demanding money. The failure to comply meant that they would lift their skirts and flash. I was always curious about them. The media never had anything on them. They did not exist for them but I saw them everyday on my way to school, to play or to work.
So I researched and found they were intersex people, born with both sex organs. I was always intrigued by their physical features. They looked like men but had breasts and talked and behaved like women. They did not exist for the government where any job application required one to specify whether one was a male or a female. The in-betweens had no option to click. They could not get jobs. They were reduced to begging and dancing on the streets and entering prostitution. The media ignored them. And it annoyed me. They were people and isn’t the media supposed to give voice to the voiceless.
All through my time in India, in Mumbai and Delhi, I never came across anyone who was gay or lesbian. Maybe some of them were, but they were not out. I read all these reports about boys sodomizing other boys in school toilets and I read about this lone activist Ashok Rao Kavi who was fighting for gay rights in India.
Having sex with someone from one’s own sex is a punishable offence in India and maybe that’s one reason why people are afraid to come out of closets. As I became part of the media, I came to know many of these people. And I started to understand the complexities of queer representation in the media.
Fire was the film that brought the issue to the forefront. Made by a woman director considered very arty and a champion of parallel cinema, Deepa Mehta, the film is about two women married to two brothers, who indulge in lesbian sex because their husbands do not have time for them. The film disturbed me. Something was wrong.
And a few years later, I realized what was wrong with the film. It showed the women turn lesbian after they were shunned by their husbands. So, the film was not about women loving each other at all. It was a story of rejection and degradation of women who are unsatisfied and turn to each other to fulfill their sexual needs only after they are rejected by their male counterparts.
Then, as I was starting to comprehend media messages, came another film Girlfriend. The promos of the film had two girls making out and it was erotic enough to attract viewers. I went to watch the film, intrigued by the boldness of this director to touch a subject that is so forbidden. The film at best was outrageous. The lesbian character was portrayed as villainous who was trying to lay her hands on her straight roommate who was in a relationship. She was a dark character, trying to kill the other girl’s boyfriend in a fit of jealousy. In a way the film looked down upon lesbians as vamps and straight girls as victims and men as their saviors enforcing the stereotypes. The lesbian character was butch lesbian, while the straight one was a demure, pretty and innocent damsel in distress. The savior of course was a macho guy.
The film also was rejected by the public who were not ready for stark lesbian portrayals. Girlfriend was a mainstream commercial cinema. The actresses later apologized to have acted in a movie that had something to do with lesbians and said it was a fault and they respected the culture and would not do such films again.
When I came to United States for my master’s in journalism, I made a lot of gay friends. But I did not come across any lesbians or bisexuals. I took up the LGBT issues as my beat for my advanced reporting class in order to learn more about the community and the problems it was facing. My first story was on Vatican banning gay priests. I was shocked to see how even in America, sexuality was pre-defined. People did not have a choice and gay rights was an issue here too. Being gay is also viewed as being a pedophile by the Catholic church.
I am a straight ally and I am a member of various gay clubs on campus. A friend saw my name in one of the gay clubs on facebook and asked me why was I in Gay At SU, the gay group. This was interesting. It is judging and compartmentalizing people based on their preferences or views.
The media representations are also mostly stereotypical. Will & Grace is one show I am familiar with. The gay characters are almost always impeccably dressed with a fine taste in arts and music. They are effeminate and metrosexual males who spend too much time on their looks and have a lot of money. They are also the best friends for the female lead character.
But my friend Roger Batson was not at all like this. He shopped at Walmart, T.J. Maxx and did not frequent operas or went to theatres. He does not flutter his eyes when he sees an attractive guy. He is just like any other guy. But this is not what the media portrays.
Damon Romine of GLAD told me the media does this to create easy reference points for the audience. He said it is dangerous because when gay people do not see themselves reflected in the media, they think something is wrong and this delays their coming out process. Sometimes, it forces them to be in the closet all their lives.
In Indian films lately we are seeing more of gay characters but they are not fully developed characters. They are either there to provide a comic relief or are there to be the actress’ best friend. Another film that comes to my mind is Monster. Charlize Theron enacted a lesbian character but though the film deserves kudos for dealing with such a subject, the portrayal of the character was very stereotypical and it showed Theron as a butch lesbian.
And as per the discussion in class, there are no bisexuals or transgender characters on television. I agree. During the fall semester, I also had a chance to meet with Frances Fischer, a transgender woman. She was in the process of transitioning and lost her job. At 52, she was struggling to get a job and at the time I met her she was cleaning tables to earn a living and was on public assistance. As I sat with her in the food court at the mall, I saw several people look at us with interest. They were amused. Why can’t we treat people as humans and respect the choices they make in their lives regarding their sexuality?
Most gay organizations do not include transgender people. That leaves the transgender people in a bad situation. I thought the gay community will understand their pain and suffering since they are experiencing the same isolation and rejection. But they don’t.
Bisexuals are another set of people who are finding it difficult to explain to others that their sexual inclination toward both sexes is not acquired. It comes natural to them. I have many bisexual friends and over so many cups of coffee I have tried to understand them and feel their difficulties in hiding or selectively revealing to others their true selves lest they are misunderstood.
Such is the image that media presents that many people think that gays and lesbians are desperate and are terrified of associating with them. When I introduced one of my straight friends to my gay friend, he confessed he had always been scared of entering gay bars or hanging out with gay people because he thought they would hit on him.
That was my introduction to sexuality and its variations. It was not just man and woman who could be ‘happy ever after’ like how I was conditioned to believe. I knew eunuchs existed. I had seen them dancing and roaming around in trains or on busy roads clapping their hands at male commuters and demanding money. The failure to comply meant that they would lift their skirts and flash. I was always curious about them. The media never had anything on them. They did not exist for them but I saw them everyday on my way to school, to play or to work.
So I researched and found they were intersex people, born with both sex organs. I was always intrigued by their physical features. They looked like men but had breasts and talked and behaved like women. They did not exist for the government where any job application required one to specify whether one was a male or a female. The in-betweens had no option to click. They could not get jobs. They were reduced to begging and dancing on the streets and entering prostitution. The media ignored them. And it annoyed me. They were people and isn’t the media supposed to give voice to the voiceless.
All through my time in India, in Mumbai and Delhi, I never came across anyone who was gay or lesbian. Maybe some of them were, but they were not out. I read all these reports about boys sodomizing other boys in school toilets and I read about this lone activist Ashok Rao Kavi who was fighting for gay rights in India.
Having sex with someone from one’s own sex is a punishable offence in India and maybe that’s one reason why people are afraid to come out of closets. As I became part of the media, I came to know many of these people. And I started to understand the complexities of queer representation in the media.
Fire was the film that brought the issue to the forefront. Made by a woman director considered very arty and a champion of parallel cinema, Deepa Mehta, the film is about two women married to two brothers, who indulge in lesbian sex because their husbands do not have time for them. The film disturbed me. Something was wrong.
And a few years later, I realized what was wrong with the film. It showed the women turn lesbian after they were shunned by their husbands. So, the film was not about women loving each other at all. It was a story of rejection and degradation of women who are unsatisfied and turn to each other to fulfill their sexual needs only after they are rejected by their male counterparts.
Then, as I was starting to comprehend media messages, came another film Girlfriend. The promos of the film had two girls making out and it was erotic enough to attract viewers. I went to watch the film, intrigued by the boldness of this director to touch a subject that is so forbidden. The film at best was outrageous. The lesbian character was portrayed as villainous who was trying to lay her hands on her straight roommate who was in a relationship. She was a dark character, trying to kill the other girl’s boyfriend in a fit of jealousy. In a way the film looked down upon lesbians as vamps and straight girls as victims and men as their saviors enforcing the stereotypes. The lesbian character was butch lesbian, while the straight one was a demure, pretty and innocent damsel in distress. The savior of course was a macho guy.
The film also was rejected by the public who were not ready for stark lesbian portrayals. Girlfriend was a mainstream commercial cinema. The actresses later apologized to have acted in a movie that had something to do with lesbians and said it was a fault and they respected the culture and would not do such films again.
When I came to United States for my master’s in journalism, I made a lot of gay friends. But I did not come across any lesbians or bisexuals. I took up the LGBT issues as my beat for my advanced reporting class in order to learn more about the community and the problems it was facing. My first story was on Vatican banning gay priests. I was shocked to see how even in America, sexuality was pre-defined. People did not have a choice and gay rights was an issue here too. Being gay is also viewed as being a pedophile by the Catholic church.
I am a straight ally and I am a member of various gay clubs on campus. A friend saw my name in one of the gay clubs on facebook and asked me why was I in Gay At SU, the gay group. This was interesting. It is judging and compartmentalizing people based on their preferences or views.
The media representations are also mostly stereotypical. Will & Grace is one show I am familiar with. The gay characters are almost always impeccably dressed with a fine taste in arts and music. They are effeminate and metrosexual males who spend too much time on their looks and have a lot of money. They are also the best friends for the female lead character.
But my friend Roger Batson was not at all like this. He shopped at Walmart, T.J. Maxx and did not frequent operas or went to theatres. He does not flutter his eyes when he sees an attractive guy. He is just like any other guy. But this is not what the media portrays.
Damon Romine of GLAD told me the media does this to create easy reference points for the audience. He said it is dangerous because when gay people do not see themselves reflected in the media, they think something is wrong and this delays their coming out process. Sometimes, it forces them to be in the closet all their lives.
In Indian films lately we are seeing more of gay characters but they are not fully developed characters. They are either there to provide a comic relief or are there to be the actress’ best friend. Another film that comes to my mind is Monster. Charlize Theron enacted a lesbian character but though the film deserves kudos for dealing with such a subject, the portrayal of the character was very stereotypical and it showed Theron as a butch lesbian.
And as per the discussion in class, there are no bisexuals or transgender characters on television. I agree. During the fall semester, I also had a chance to meet with Frances Fischer, a transgender woman. She was in the process of transitioning and lost her job. At 52, she was struggling to get a job and at the time I met her she was cleaning tables to earn a living and was on public assistance. As I sat with her in the food court at the mall, I saw several people look at us with interest. They were amused. Why can’t we treat people as humans and respect the choices they make in their lives regarding their sexuality?
Most gay organizations do not include transgender people. That leaves the transgender people in a bad situation. I thought the gay community will understand their pain and suffering since they are experiencing the same isolation and rejection. But they don’t.
Bisexuals are another set of people who are finding it difficult to explain to others that their sexual inclination toward both sexes is not acquired. It comes natural to them. I have many bisexual friends and over so many cups of coffee I have tried to understand them and feel their difficulties in hiding or selectively revealing to others their true selves lest they are misunderstood.
Such is the image that media presents that many people think that gays and lesbians are desperate and are terrified of associating with them. When I introduced one of my straight friends to my gay friend, he confessed he had always been scared of entering gay bars or hanging out with gay people because he thought they would hit on him.
Monday, August 28, 2006
i meet frances again...and i write a final piece
For 53 years Frances Mary Fischer wore the wrong shoe in her feet. That’s what she refers to as being a man for almost five decades. It was like living in agony.
“When you wear the wrong shoe, you get blisters. It pains. It has been like that for me. Every morning I would look in the mirror and it would make me want to cry. You don’t like the skin you are in, you hate the image that you see,” she said. “Nobody understands.”
For Fischer, a transgender woman, taking a decision to transition was tough. She waited for her two children to grow up. “I waited till my kids were out. Now is the time for me to blossom,” she said. “The pain of remaining in the bud is more than the pain of blossoming. I feel better now. I don’t hate what I see in the mirror.”
For years Fischer had her own wardrobe, hidden away. She would dress as a woman once in a while and go out. But except for those stolen moments, she lived in the disguise of a father, a husband and a man.
But expression came at a cost. Fischer started her official transition from male to female in August, 2001, when she applied for a name change at the Supreme Court for the County of Onondaga, according to the affidavit filed by her in June, 2003. It took her two-and-a-half years to change her name from Frank Mark Fischer to Frances Mary Fischer. When the judge refused, she approached Lambda Legal for help and then sued New York State. She finally won the case but the victory is just a beginning of many battles, legal and otherwise that she has to wage every moment in her life. She lost her job at Alliance Relocation Services in Oct. 2004. She blames it on discrimination against transgender people. She cleaned tables, ate onion soup for days but did not give up. Nor did she ever lose her faith.
“It is good that I have not shot myself in the head. May be this is because of my background as a priest. It is so difficult. It just pushes you to the extreme,” she said when I met her last year. At the time she had no job and no money to pay her rent.
Born into a Catholic family in Iowa Falls in 1952, Fischer was the fourth child of Esther Mae Polles. Polles had seven children. Fischer was right in the middle, the fourth child. And so was his sex. It lied somewhere between the male and the female. “I always had a nurturing instinct. It was like having a maternal instinct,” she said.
Even as a child, then known as Francis Mark Fischer, she loved to play with dolls and once traded her bicycle for a neighbor’s doll. But her family never suspected anything except for perhaps her mother, who she said, pushed her toward priesthood because she thought it was the best way out.
“Maybe my mother knew. Maybe she pushed me toward priesthood because she knew I did not feel like a man,” she said. “My birth was fraught with little miracles. The umbilical chord was around my neck. I could have died. At 3 I had been run over by a car. It literally crushed my mid-section. It made me a eunuch. My mother considered it a sign,” she said.
By 1955 she had been indoctrinated that she was chosen to be a priest. Fischer and her younger brother Jerry both became altar boys when they were young. Their father, a military personnel, imposed religion on the family. All children were to attend services at the church, volunteer for any help that the church needed and religiously pray.
As a young child Francis was deeply attracted to religion. As an altar boy, he loved wearing cassocks. She said it was because it resembled woman’s clothing. “I did not identify with the soldier, the football player and wrestler…not with the man in charge,” she said.
Little Francis did not know what being transgender meant. But he wondered why he did not have a vagina or why he was not like his sisters. “I was desperately seeking why I am not like my sisters. I wanted to play with the girls,” she said. After the accident, young Fischer asked the doctor why he did not have a vagina. “I was questioning my very nature since I first came into my being,” she said.
At home, he was tormented. The siblings used to sing ‘Franky’s going crazy…’. Franky, as they called him, stomped, kicked and cried but they would not stop.
Franky did get crazy after all, as her brother Jerry Fischer called it. She became the woman she had always wanted to be. Years after Fischer’s family came to know about her being transgender, her brother is still struggling with the idea of his big brother becoming a woman. Jerry still falters between ‘he’ and ‘she’, while referring to his brother, who is now a woman. He has to remind himself that the brother who was an altar boy like him and who gave him his first condom is no longer a man. He instantly corrects himself if he calls Frances a he. But he does it again.
“To me it is very strange. I did not see Frank as being transgender,” he said. “He was a brother, a wrestler, the guy who had helmets and grenades…”
When Jerry met Fischer at his father’s funeral last year, he said he did not feel any difference. But the change in the physical appearance was difficult to take in.
“I am trying to figure out what the heck. She is my brother. I just ask why,” he said.
In 1993 Fischer’s mother died. At her funeral, he did not give any indication. But later on everyone started noticing things about Fischer. At family reunions relatives noticed Fischer had painted nails or no hair on her arms. Some even suspected she wore a bra inside her shirt. But no one ever thought Fischer would transition so completely.
Her brother finally realized he had one more sister when Fischer’s ex-wife Diane Fischer sent the newspaper cutting of an article that was published in Syracuse Post-Standard about Fischer’s struggle as a transgender woman.
“He used to have a big Afro in those days. But everyone had. My big question is why,” said Jerry, who lives in Iowa Falls. “Probably he hung around with the wrong crowd. We don’t have anything that flaming here.”
All the rejection and the shock in people’s eyes have only strengthened Fischer’s faith in god. A Born Again Christian, Fischer gave up her brotherhood vows when she thought the Roman Catholic Church was exclusive in its vision.
“I have had a communication early on in life. I was born again early,” she said.
Doubts about the Roman Catholic Church began to disturb Fischer just before she became a priest. She read the scriptures, generic parchments and compared the teachings of the Church and God. At the time she had been following the church’s teachings blindly, she said.
“Christ is the high priest between men and God, not the priests,” she said. “At the point when I realized this I said I can no longer be a Roman Catholic priest because this is not what God said,” she said.
Fischer became disenchanted. With a doctorate in religion, Fischer’s questioning of the Roman Catholic belief also made her write her thesis on fallacies of the Catholic Church. “Here people put a checklist. If I go to the church once a week, I will be a good person,” she said. “The dichotomy was there. A man with man was banned. Deuteronomy 23 of the Bible says a man should not put on what pertains to a woman.”
She went to the archbishop of Dubuque and asked him what to do. “I didn’t know what I wanted,” she said. That’s the time Fischer met Diane. She used to sing in the choir. She proposed and they got married. When their first child David died, both moved to Syracuse to be with Diane’s family. They got divorced in 2001 and now Fischer lives with Franky, a cross-dresser.
The cross hung from a gold chain in her neck. It was difficult to miss. Except for her voice that is still deep and sounds like that of a male’s voice, Fischer looked like a woman. Dressed in a light pink shirt and beige pants she did not attract much attention at the Onondaga Library compared to the time last fall when I met her at the Carousel Center. People stared at her confused by her voice and her persona.
Fischer’s eyes had a dreamy look when she spoke about religion. The voice was distant. But the cross remained intact in her hands. She kept touching it as if in reassurance, while she talked about herself. “I believe I am the product of Satanic influence. God would not want to put somebody in this torment,” she said. “God allowed Satan to mess with me. But that made me strong. I would not have become the person I am. All the evil is in the world. It is allowed by God. My adapting my body from male to female to match my identity is my change. I am evil.”
She attends Believers’ Chapel in Cicero that welcomes members of LGBT community but not without condition. Frank Porter, assistant pastor, said these people are welcome only if they are willing to give up their lifestyle. He did not know Fischer personally but said that Christ did not approve of LGBT lifestyles.
But Fischer is unshaken. Fischer considers herself asexual. Her transition has nothing to do with sex or the desire for it. “It has to do with identification. Christ healed- that’s my nature too. It is an awkward feeling to not fit. Even after 1,000 surgeries, I will still not fit in. God is pro-choice. He wants you to live.”
Her faith is also what strikes her friends. Faye Brooks, Fischer’s friend, met Fischer at the Expressing Our Nature, a support group’s meeting. He has known her for around 3 years. “She is very religious…now more than ever. Her state is more of an amplifier for her,” he said.
He said her faith also makes her trust people easily. “She is very honest. A giving and caring person…almost to the point of putting herself at risk.”
Brooks related how once when Fischer had gone overseas, she had let one of the tenants live in her house. The tenant had been having some problem with finances and nowhere to live. “She stole her things and even damaged the house,” he said.
Friends have kept her company and have provided her with shelter when she needed it. Her boyfriend Franky took over the lease of her apartment at 110 2nd North St. in April because Fischer was not in a position to pay her rent. Also, Franky underwent an operation and had difficulty in climbing the stairs to his third floor apartment. Franky is on permanent disability security and gets around $7,000 a year from the government. The money is not enough for both but they manage. Sometimes they get food from Rescue Mission or Peace Corps, at other times friends bring over food to share.
The one-bedroom apartment had boxes and clothes lying everywhere. The small kitchen table had been pushed against the wall to make space for Franky’s stuff. He recently moved all his things here. Both had been cooking a dinner of split pea soup and patties when I arrived.
Fischer and Franky met last year at EON’s meeting. “We have a strong relationship. Our faith in the lord is a big thing.”
Fischer had been waiting for a bus when Franky first talked to her. “I asked her if she could teach me computers,” he said. It was around August last year that Franky brought her computer over to Fischer’s house and stayed on.
“She did not know if I stayed for the computer or her,” she said. “We just stuck together after we met. It developed over the months.”
Franky underwent surgeries for back and neck and these rendered him helpless. This is when Fischer took over. She nursed him. “After Thanksgiving he literally became a cripple. He had trouble,” she said.
“She has been a tremendous help in getting my body back together. I think the lord brought together to take care of each other. It is not a legal connection but a familiar connection,” he said. He called Fischer to ask what she thought their relationship was. Words like co-dependence, couple and friendship were thrown in.
“We just have fun. If we both had jobs, we would do more stuff,” he said.
In a denim skirt and a powder blue top, Fischer looked the woman she aspired all her life to be. Franky’s lip stretched into a smile when he described Fischer. “I think she is pretty. I don’t think of her as any other way than a woman. I give her that respect,” he said. “I don’t know what to do without her. If I had stayed there I would have been dead.”
Besides Franky, Julia Dunn is a friend Fischer knows understands her. Dunn and Fischer grew up together in Iowa Falls, where Dunn still lives. Fischer had been preparing for priesthood and Dunn saw nothing that indicated Fischer felt like a woman.
“She wrestled in high school. She was no macho guy, just a regular guy. She would have made a good priest,” she said.
For 34 years they had not met. But when Dunn received a voice mail from her brother that Fischer was coming for her father’s funeral, she decided to go. She had been looking for her childhood friend.
“We were buddies. I could say anything to her. Franky was a real good person,” she said.
When Dunn saw her, she said found the same friend I could laugh with. “The only thing that had changed was her sex,” she said. “I found my friend.” When Fischer went to Iowa Falls last year, she stayed with Dunn. And then the conversations flowed and the obvious questions followed.
“I asked her why she did it,” she said. “I have no problem with it. I wish people could give these people a break. Franky is a beautiful woman. I love my Franky.”
Such people have made life a little easier for Fischer, who is still trying to get a job. She has sent out at least 1,100 applications so far, she said.
“My voice gives me away. They don’t want me to use the same restroom,” she said talking about the difficulties in getting a job.
For now both Franky and Fischer are surviving on food stamps and security money. They pray together before every meal.
“We would get where we want to. The lord will carry us through this,” said Franky, while Fischer put another tray of patties in the oven.
“When you wear the wrong shoe, you get blisters. It pains. It has been like that for me. Every morning I would look in the mirror and it would make me want to cry. You don’t like the skin you are in, you hate the image that you see,” she said. “Nobody understands.”
For Fischer, a transgender woman, taking a decision to transition was tough. She waited for her two children to grow up. “I waited till my kids were out. Now is the time for me to blossom,” she said. “The pain of remaining in the bud is more than the pain of blossoming. I feel better now. I don’t hate what I see in the mirror.”
For years Fischer had her own wardrobe, hidden away. She would dress as a woman once in a while and go out. But except for those stolen moments, she lived in the disguise of a father, a husband and a man.
But expression came at a cost. Fischer started her official transition from male to female in August, 2001, when she applied for a name change at the Supreme Court for the County of Onondaga, according to the affidavit filed by her in June, 2003. It took her two-and-a-half years to change her name from Frank Mark Fischer to Frances Mary Fischer. When the judge refused, she approached Lambda Legal for help and then sued New York State. She finally won the case but the victory is just a beginning of many battles, legal and otherwise that she has to wage every moment in her life. She lost her job at Alliance Relocation Services in Oct. 2004. She blames it on discrimination against transgender people. She cleaned tables, ate onion soup for days but did not give up. Nor did she ever lose her faith.
“It is good that I have not shot myself in the head. May be this is because of my background as a priest. It is so difficult. It just pushes you to the extreme,” she said when I met her last year. At the time she had no job and no money to pay her rent.
Born into a Catholic family in Iowa Falls in 1952, Fischer was the fourth child of Esther Mae Polles. Polles had seven children. Fischer was right in the middle, the fourth child. And so was his sex. It lied somewhere between the male and the female. “I always had a nurturing instinct. It was like having a maternal instinct,” she said.
Even as a child, then known as Francis Mark Fischer, she loved to play with dolls and once traded her bicycle for a neighbor’s doll. But her family never suspected anything except for perhaps her mother, who she said, pushed her toward priesthood because she thought it was the best way out.
“Maybe my mother knew. Maybe she pushed me toward priesthood because she knew I did not feel like a man,” she said. “My birth was fraught with little miracles. The umbilical chord was around my neck. I could have died. At 3 I had been run over by a car. It literally crushed my mid-section. It made me a eunuch. My mother considered it a sign,” she said.
By 1955 she had been indoctrinated that she was chosen to be a priest. Fischer and her younger brother Jerry both became altar boys when they were young. Their father, a military personnel, imposed religion on the family. All children were to attend services at the church, volunteer for any help that the church needed and religiously pray.
As a young child Francis was deeply attracted to religion. As an altar boy, he loved wearing cassocks. She said it was because it resembled woman’s clothing. “I did not identify with the soldier, the football player and wrestler…not with the man in charge,” she said.
Little Francis did not know what being transgender meant. But he wondered why he did not have a vagina or why he was not like his sisters. “I was desperately seeking why I am not like my sisters. I wanted to play with the girls,” she said. After the accident, young Fischer asked the doctor why he did not have a vagina. “I was questioning my very nature since I first came into my being,” she said.
At home, he was tormented. The siblings used to sing ‘Franky’s going crazy…’. Franky, as they called him, stomped, kicked and cried but they would not stop.
Franky did get crazy after all, as her brother Jerry Fischer called it. She became the woman she had always wanted to be. Years after Fischer’s family came to know about her being transgender, her brother is still struggling with the idea of his big brother becoming a woman. Jerry still falters between ‘he’ and ‘she’, while referring to his brother, who is now a woman. He has to remind himself that the brother who was an altar boy like him and who gave him his first condom is no longer a man. He instantly corrects himself if he calls Frances a he. But he does it again.
“To me it is very strange. I did not see Frank as being transgender,” he said. “He was a brother, a wrestler, the guy who had helmets and grenades…”
When Jerry met Fischer at his father’s funeral last year, he said he did not feel any difference. But the change in the physical appearance was difficult to take in.
“I am trying to figure out what the heck. She is my brother. I just ask why,” he said.
In 1993 Fischer’s mother died. At her funeral, he did not give any indication. But later on everyone started noticing things about Fischer. At family reunions relatives noticed Fischer had painted nails or no hair on her arms. Some even suspected she wore a bra inside her shirt. But no one ever thought Fischer would transition so completely.
Her brother finally realized he had one more sister when Fischer’s ex-wife Diane Fischer sent the newspaper cutting of an article that was published in Syracuse Post-Standard about Fischer’s struggle as a transgender woman.
“He used to have a big Afro in those days. But everyone had. My big question is why,” said Jerry, who lives in Iowa Falls. “Probably he hung around with the wrong crowd. We don’t have anything that flaming here.”
All the rejection and the shock in people’s eyes have only strengthened Fischer’s faith in god. A Born Again Christian, Fischer gave up her brotherhood vows when she thought the Roman Catholic Church was exclusive in its vision.
“I have had a communication early on in life. I was born again early,” she said.
Doubts about the Roman Catholic Church began to disturb Fischer just before she became a priest. She read the scriptures, generic parchments and compared the teachings of the Church and God. At the time she had been following the church’s teachings blindly, she said.
“Christ is the high priest between men and God, not the priests,” she said. “At the point when I realized this I said I can no longer be a Roman Catholic priest because this is not what God said,” she said.
Fischer became disenchanted. With a doctorate in religion, Fischer’s questioning of the Roman Catholic belief also made her write her thesis on fallacies of the Catholic Church. “Here people put a checklist. If I go to the church once a week, I will be a good person,” she said. “The dichotomy was there. A man with man was banned. Deuteronomy 23 of the Bible says a man should not put on what pertains to a woman.”
She went to the archbishop of Dubuque and asked him what to do. “I didn’t know what I wanted,” she said. That’s the time Fischer met Diane. She used to sing in the choir. She proposed and they got married. When their first child David died, both moved to Syracuse to be with Diane’s family. They got divorced in 2001 and now Fischer lives with Franky, a cross-dresser.
The cross hung from a gold chain in her neck. It was difficult to miss. Except for her voice that is still deep and sounds like that of a male’s voice, Fischer looked like a woman. Dressed in a light pink shirt and beige pants she did not attract much attention at the Onondaga Library compared to the time last fall when I met her at the Carousel Center. People stared at her confused by her voice and her persona.
Fischer’s eyes had a dreamy look when she spoke about religion. The voice was distant. But the cross remained intact in her hands. She kept touching it as if in reassurance, while she talked about herself. “I believe I am the product of Satanic influence. God would not want to put somebody in this torment,” she said. “God allowed Satan to mess with me. But that made me strong. I would not have become the person I am. All the evil is in the world. It is allowed by God. My adapting my body from male to female to match my identity is my change. I am evil.”
She attends Believers’ Chapel in Cicero that welcomes members of LGBT community but not without condition. Frank Porter, assistant pastor, said these people are welcome only if they are willing to give up their lifestyle. He did not know Fischer personally but said that Christ did not approve of LGBT lifestyles.
But Fischer is unshaken. Fischer considers herself asexual. Her transition has nothing to do with sex or the desire for it. “It has to do with identification. Christ healed- that’s my nature too. It is an awkward feeling to not fit. Even after 1,000 surgeries, I will still not fit in. God is pro-choice. He wants you to live.”
Her faith is also what strikes her friends. Faye Brooks, Fischer’s friend, met Fischer at the Expressing Our Nature, a support group’s meeting. He has known her for around 3 years. “She is very religious…now more than ever. Her state is more of an amplifier for her,” he said.
He said her faith also makes her trust people easily. “She is very honest. A giving and caring person…almost to the point of putting herself at risk.”
Brooks related how once when Fischer had gone overseas, she had let one of the tenants live in her house. The tenant had been having some problem with finances and nowhere to live. “She stole her things and even damaged the house,” he said.
Friends have kept her company and have provided her with shelter when she needed it. Her boyfriend Franky took over the lease of her apartment at 110 2nd North St. in April because Fischer was not in a position to pay her rent. Also, Franky underwent an operation and had difficulty in climbing the stairs to his third floor apartment. Franky is on permanent disability security and gets around $7,000 a year from the government. The money is not enough for both but they manage. Sometimes they get food from Rescue Mission or Peace Corps, at other times friends bring over food to share.
The one-bedroom apartment had boxes and clothes lying everywhere. The small kitchen table had been pushed against the wall to make space for Franky’s stuff. He recently moved all his things here. Both had been cooking a dinner of split pea soup and patties when I arrived.
Fischer and Franky met last year at EON’s meeting. “We have a strong relationship. Our faith in the lord is a big thing.”
Fischer had been waiting for a bus when Franky first talked to her. “I asked her if she could teach me computers,” he said. It was around August last year that Franky brought her computer over to Fischer’s house and stayed on.
“She did not know if I stayed for the computer or her,” she said. “We just stuck together after we met. It developed over the months.”
Franky underwent surgeries for back and neck and these rendered him helpless. This is when Fischer took over. She nursed him. “After Thanksgiving he literally became a cripple. He had trouble,” she said.
“She has been a tremendous help in getting my body back together. I think the lord brought together to take care of each other. It is not a legal connection but a familiar connection,” he said. He called Fischer to ask what she thought their relationship was. Words like co-dependence, couple and friendship were thrown in.
“We just have fun. If we both had jobs, we would do more stuff,” he said.
In a denim skirt and a powder blue top, Fischer looked the woman she aspired all her life to be. Franky’s lip stretched into a smile when he described Fischer. “I think she is pretty. I don’t think of her as any other way than a woman. I give her that respect,” he said. “I don’t know what to do without her. If I had stayed there I would have been dead.”
Besides Franky, Julia Dunn is a friend Fischer knows understands her. Dunn and Fischer grew up together in Iowa Falls, where Dunn still lives. Fischer had been preparing for priesthood and Dunn saw nothing that indicated Fischer felt like a woman.
“She wrestled in high school. She was no macho guy, just a regular guy. She would have made a good priest,” she said.
For 34 years they had not met. But when Dunn received a voice mail from her brother that Fischer was coming for her father’s funeral, she decided to go. She had been looking for her childhood friend.
“We were buddies. I could say anything to her. Franky was a real good person,” she said.
When Dunn saw her, she said found the same friend I could laugh with. “The only thing that had changed was her sex,” she said. “I found my friend.” When Fischer went to Iowa Falls last year, she stayed with Dunn. And then the conversations flowed and the obvious questions followed.
“I asked her why she did it,” she said. “I have no problem with it. I wish people could give these people a break. Franky is a beautiful woman. I love my Franky.”
Such people have made life a little easier for Fischer, who is still trying to get a job. She has sent out at least 1,100 applications so far, she said.
“My voice gives me away. They don’t want me to use the same restroom,” she said talking about the difficulties in getting a job.
For now both Franky and Fischer are surviving on food stamps and security money. They pray together before every meal.
“We would get where we want to. The lord will carry us through this,” said Franky, while Fischer put another tray of patties in the oven.
Islamic funerals - on the difficulty of burying their dead...
On a frigid Saturday afternoon when the winds were downright piercing, 11 men and women braved the cold to attend a seminar on how to wash and shroud a dead body the Islamic way.
“The prophet directed us to do this. It is an obligation for us. If the relatives can’t do it, the community has to do it,” said Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed, director of the Islamic Society of Central New York, to the volunteers. “If nobody does it, the whole community is sinful.”
Three women and eight men sat attentively, listening to Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed, who explained why washing and shrouding was a community affair in Islam and more so in a country like the United States where most of the Muslim population consists of converts and first-generation immigrants, who do not know how to conduct the burial rituals in the Sunnah way. The Sunnah is a religious literary source based on Prophet Mohamed’s way of life and his teachings on how to live in a manner befitting a follower of Islam.
Since mortuaries and cemeteries are not familiar with Muslim practices, it is left to such organizations to create awareness of their customs in non-Muslim communities in secular societies. Thus, burials are part of a mosque’s community service program here. These help out with arranging and attending the funerals and conducting essential rituals required by the religion that are unique to the minority community.
Dr. Sayyid Sayeed, secretary general of Islamic Society of North America said most mosques in the United States offered such services. There is a need for such services here and it is also an Islamic requirement, he said.
“The families are split here. Some of them are overseas. We are not in a traditional society where these are familiar,” he said. In the Middle East and other South Asian countries, these burials are essentially a family affair.
Also, it is easy on the family that has experienced a death, said Juan E. Campo, associate professor of religious studies, University of California, Santa Barbara.
“They might not want to do it themselves as they are aggrieved. It helps to have someone do it,” he said.
According to Dr. Mahmoud Mustafa Ayoub, professor of Islamic studies and comparative religion at Temple University, the prospect of reward also makes people volunteer to perform the rituals in the Muslim community, he said.
“Those who take part will get a reward. It is something very positive to be involved in a funeral process. We are not an individualistic community. If people do not have the community at such times, they are pitied,” he said referring to burials in Lebanon and other such countries.
Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed said Allah rewards those who come forward to render their services in such times.
“We do not know what the reward or sabab is. But there is something definitely,” he said.
Osameh Alwahaidy, who has been with the mosque since 1986 and volunteers to do washing and shrouding, said he does it because Allah will reward him. “Everyone tries to be righteous. We will get to jannat (heaven),” he said. The Islamic Society of Central New York, 925 Comstock Ave., has been helping the community with burials for 15 years.
There are five parts of an Islamic burial. The first part is physically cleansing the body, which is also part of Shari’ah. Around four volunteers are needed to do this. The next step is to shroud the body in kafan, plain white cloth, so that the private parts are not visible. The process is called takfeen. The third part consists in conducting the funeral prayer, which is led by the Imam. The next part is the burial itself. And lastly, the community members gather to pray for the forgiveness of the deceased. Muslims do not embalm the body. They wash it and then wrap it in clean white sheets called the kafan. Usually, three sheets are required to cover a man’s body and five are needed for a woman. The mosque keeps these sheets so that they are readily available.
The mosque keeps a list of volunteers to contact in case of a death, who then go to the funeral home to conduct the washing and shrouding rituals. Though six women had signed up for the seminar, only three were present. But more women joined them later. This was the first time the mosque was holding a seminar to train and educate volunteers about the funeral rituals. Earlier, volunteers would train others who wished to offer their services.
While Ahmed demonstrated the procedure, the others took notes. The volunteers have to be gentle and modest and handle the body with respect and keep it covered at all times, Ahmed said.
“It is needed here because we have so many converts, whose families do not know what procedure to follow in case of death,” said Ahmed.
However, the very fact that a large part of the Muslim population here is composed of converts brings many issues in its wake. Alwahaidy said sometimes the family that has not accepted Islam may have objections with the type of burial.
“Around 15 years ago we had a case. The son wanted the mother’s body to be cremated instead of an Islamic burial. The mother was a convert. We could not do anything,” he said.
Now the mosque has an Islamic will that converts can sign. The Islamic burial is part of the will, said Mir Hussainni, secretary of the Islamic Society. However, the will is not mandatory.
Danya Wellman, who converted to Islam 14 years ago, said that in Muslim countries the ritual was performed culturally, while here it is done Islamically. Only Muslims can wash and shroud a Muslim’s body and that’s why volunteers were needed. She said the thought that no stranger will handle her body when she died was good.
“I know my Muslim sisters will treat my body with respect. My own daughter will not do it. She won’t be able to,” she said.
Wellman volunteers to do washing and shrouding and has trained several other women. Women can only wash women’s bodies except in the case of the spouse. The family can participate but the rituals must be performed with great care as this is something that Allah has asked us to do and we can’t be wrong, she said.
“We wash and shroud the same way the Jews do it,” she said explaining the procedure.
Since the law here is different from that in South Asia or the Middle East, where the family takes care of the procedures, local mosques also assume the role of a facilitator.
The dead body in the United States is collected by the funeral homes and they contact the local mosque, which then sends volunteers to perform the washing and shrouding of the body. The body is then brought to the mosque where the janazah or the funeral prayer is said by the Imam and it is then taken to the cemetery to be buried. The mosques often have their own cemeteries or have a separate space marked for the Muslims in a cemetery. The body is put in a casket and lowered in the grave. Islam does not allow caskets but the law in New York and most states here requires the use of a casket for safety purposes. This also makes it expensive. A casket costs between $700 and $20,000 depending upon the quality and decoration.
“We have been directed by scholars and the prophet to follow the law of the country that we reside in. So, we use the caskets, though it is not right,” Ahmed said. “Many states with large Muslim population have successfully asked the state government to let them bury the body without a casket or coffin, but in New York we are not allowed.”
“The Muslim community here has decided to submit to the civil laws and the safety and sanitary laws,” said Campo, associate professor of religious studies.
States such as California do not require caskets, said Dr. Ayoub. However, in states where it is required by law, the caskets should be the most unassuming and the cheapest available because Islam prohibits any ostentation, he said.
A typical burial may cost anything between $2,000 to 3,000. The Islamic Society has already bought land in the local cemetery and people pay around $600 to the mosque for the grave, which goes to the graveyard fund. The mosque is planning on buying another plot as the one at Comstock Avenue does not have much space left, said Ahmed. It helps people who can’t afford to pay for the burials.
“We helped some of the refugees from Bosnia and Somalia with the burial as also some Muslim families here who could not bear the expenses,” said Hussainni of the Islamic Society. The mosque also helps non-Muslims if they approach them for burials.
Fudil Selmoune, the assistant Imam of the Islamic Society said it was a costly affair to bury people here.
“The cost it too much compared to our country where there are no expenses for digging. It is almost free. We just have to buy the cloth, which does not cost more than a dollar or two in my country” said Selmoune, who is from Algeria and joined the mosque in 2003. That makes the mosque’s role more important.
Various mosques in United States have licenses to bury the dead. So, the burying can take place the same day as preferred by Muslims. But in smaller cities, where the mosques have arrangements with the funeral homes, it may take days to bury the body.
Alwahaidy said it was particularly difficult if a person died on Friday and they had to wait till Monday when the funeral homes opened in order to bury the body.
“Sometimes, we have to wait for the death certificate. That delays the process. We have arrangements with the funeral homes that call the mosque when someone dies but sometimes things get delayed,” he said. “In Jordan things are simple. We don’t have to go to the hospitals. There are no funeral homes.”
“The prophet directed us to do this. It is an obligation for us. If the relatives can’t do it, the community has to do it,” said Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed, director of the Islamic Society of Central New York, to the volunteers. “If nobody does it, the whole community is sinful.”
Three women and eight men sat attentively, listening to Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed, who explained why washing and shrouding was a community affair in Islam and more so in a country like the United States where most of the Muslim population consists of converts and first-generation immigrants, who do not know how to conduct the burial rituals in the Sunnah way. The Sunnah is a religious literary source based on Prophet Mohamed’s way of life and his teachings on how to live in a manner befitting a follower of Islam.
Since mortuaries and cemeteries are not familiar with Muslim practices, it is left to such organizations to create awareness of their customs in non-Muslim communities in secular societies. Thus, burials are part of a mosque’s community service program here. These help out with arranging and attending the funerals and conducting essential rituals required by the religion that are unique to the minority community.
Dr. Sayyid Sayeed, secretary general of Islamic Society of North America said most mosques in the United States offered such services. There is a need for such services here and it is also an Islamic requirement, he said.
“The families are split here. Some of them are overseas. We are not in a traditional society where these are familiar,” he said. In the Middle East and other South Asian countries, these burials are essentially a family affair.
Also, it is easy on the family that has experienced a death, said Juan E. Campo, associate professor of religious studies, University of California, Santa Barbara.
“They might not want to do it themselves as they are aggrieved. It helps to have someone do it,” he said.
According to Dr. Mahmoud Mustafa Ayoub, professor of Islamic studies and comparative religion at Temple University, the prospect of reward also makes people volunteer to perform the rituals in the Muslim community, he said.
“Those who take part will get a reward. It is something very positive to be involved in a funeral process. We are not an individualistic community. If people do not have the community at such times, they are pitied,” he said referring to burials in Lebanon and other such countries.
Imam Taqiuddin Ahmed said Allah rewards those who come forward to render their services in such times.
“We do not know what the reward or sabab is. But there is something definitely,” he said.
Osameh Alwahaidy, who has been with the mosque since 1986 and volunteers to do washing and shrouding, said he does it because Allah will reward him. “Everyone tries to be righteous. We will get to jannat (heaven),” he said. The Islamic Society of Central New York, 925 Comstock Ave., has been helping the community with burials for 15 years.
There are five parts of an Islamic burial. The first part is physically cleansing the body, which is also part of Shari’ah. Around four volunteers are needed to do this. The next step is to shroud the body in kafan, plain white cloth, so that the private parts are not visible. The process is called takfeen. The third part consists in conducting the funeral prayer, which is led by the Imam. The next part is the burial itself. And lastly, the community members gather to pray for the forgiveness of the deceased. Muslims do not embalm the body. They wash it and then wrap it in clean white sheets called the kafan. Usually, three sheets are required to cover a man’s body and five are needed for a woman. The mosque keeps these sheets so that they are readily available.
The mosque keeps a list of volunteers to contact in case of a death, who then go to the funeral home to conduct the washing and shrouding rituals. Though six women had signed up for the seminar, only three were present. But more women joined them later. This was the first time the mosque was holding a seminar to train and educate volunteers about the funeral rituals. Earlier, volunteers would train others who wished to offer their services.
While Ahmed demonstrated the procedure, the others took notes. The volunteers have to be gentle and modest and handle the body with respect and keep it covered at all times, Ahmed said.
“It is needed here because we have so many converts, whose families do not know what procedure to follow in case of death,” said Ahmed.
However, the very fact that a large part of the Muslim population here is composed of converts brings many issues in its wake. Alwahaidy said sometimes the family that has not accepted Islam may have objections with the type of burial.
“Around 15 years ago we had a case. The son wanted the mother’s body to be cremated instead of an Islamic burial. The mother was a convert. We could not do anything,” he said.
Now the mosque has an Islamic will that converts can sign. The Islamic burial is part of the will, said Mir Hussainni, secretary of the Islamic Society. However, the will is not mandatory.
Danya Wellman, who converted to Islam 14 years ago, said that in Muslim countries the ritual was performed culturally, while here it is done Islamically. Only Muslims can wash and shroud a Muslim’s body and that’s why volunteers were needed. She said the thought that no stranger will handle her body when she died was good.
“I know my Muslim sisters will treat my body with respect. My own daughter will not do it. She won’t be able to,” she said.
Wellman volunteers to do washing and shrouding and has trained several other women. Women can only wash women’s bodies except in the case of the spouse. The family can participate but the rituals must be performed with great care as this is something that Allah has asked us to do and we can’t be wrong, she said.
“We wash and shroud the same way the Jews do it,” she said explaining the procedure.
Since the law here is different from that in South Asia or the Middle East, where the family takes care of the procedures, local mosques also assume the role of a facilitator.
The dead body in the United States is collected by the funeral homes and they contact the local mosque, which then sends volunteers to perform the washing and shrouding of the body. The body is then brought to the mosque where the janazah or the funeral prayer is said by the Imam and it is then taken to the cemetery to be buried. The mosques often have their own cemeteries or have a separate space marked for the Muslims in a cemetery. The body is put in a casket and lowered in the grave. Islam does not allow caskets but the law in New York and most states here requires the use of a casket for safety purposes. This also makes it expensive. A casket costs between $700 and $20,000 depending upon the quality and decoration.
“We have been directed by scholars and the prophet to follow the law of the country that we reside in. So, we use the caskets, though it is not right,” Ahmed said. “Many states with large Muslim population have successfully asked the state government to let them bury the body without a casket or coffin, but in New York we are not allowed.”
“The Muslim community here has decided to submit to the civil laws and the safety and sanitary laws,” said Campo, associate professor of religious studies.
States such as California do not require caskets, said Dr. Ayoub. However, in states where it is required by law, the caskets should be the most unassuming and the cheapest available because Islam prohibits any ostentation, he said.
A typical burial may cost anything between $2,000 to 3,000. The Islamic Society has already bought land in the local cemetery and people pay around $600 to the mosque for the grave, which goes to the graveyard fund. The mosque is planning on buying another plot as the one at Comstock Avenue does not have much space left, said Ahmed. It helps people who can’t afford to pay for the burials.
“We helped some of the refugees from Bosnia and Somalia with the burial as also some Muslim families here who could not bear the expenses,” said Hussainni of the Islamic Society. The mosque also helps non-Muslims if they approach them for burials.
Fudil Selmoune, the assistant Imam of the Islamic Society said it was a costly affair to bury people here.
“The cost it too much compared to our country where there are no expenses for digging. It is almost free. We just have to buy the cloth, which does not cost more than a dollar or two in my country” said Selmoune, who is from Algeria and joined the mosque in 2003. That makes the mosque’s role more important.
Various mosques in United States have licenses to bury the dead. So, the burying can take place the same day as preferred by Muslims. But in smaller cities, where the mosques have arrangements with the funeral homes, it may take days to bury the body.
Alwahaidy said it was particularly difficult if a person died on Friday and they had to wait till Monday when the funeral homes opened in order to bury the body.
“Sometimes, we have to wait for the death certificate. That delays the process. We have arrangements with the funeral homes that call the mosque when someone dies but sometimes things get delayed,” he said. “In Jordan things are simple. We don’t have to go to the hospitals. There are no funeral homes.”
how media distorts images and perceptions....gay is not effiminate
Roger Batson, black and openly gay, shops at T.J. Maxx, Wal-Mart and Marshall's and looks for good deals on almost everything. Calvin Klein and Armani are not what he can afford. He drives an old car that he bought on e-Bay for $1,250 and not a Jaguar. And he is not flamboyant or effeminate, does not cross his legs and sits primly or flutters his eyelids when he sees an attractive guy.
But Batson and his lifestyle are not what the media represents about the LGBT community. Most often gay people are portrayed by the media as white, affluent and flamboyant, while lesbians are either sexy women or masculine women commonly referred to as butch lesbians.
"Stereotypes exist in real life, so stereotypes also exist in the media because they are easy reference points when writers need to immediately make the audience understand that this is a gay character," said Damon Romine, entertainment media director, GLAAD. "Of course, stereotypes perpetuate more stereotypes, and the danger is that there is a risk that some people may come to believe that stereotypes represent all reality,"
Media stereotypes concern gay rights activists and LGBT people who think it results in prejudice and further isolate a community that is still struggling to get into the public forum.
"Stereotypes are there to oppress people. Gangsters, flaming gay guys, slutty women are common stereotypes. Designers use suggestive gay and lesbian images to sell their products. We are the second-largest spenders after the black community with a purchasing power of $600 billion a year and that's what makes us attractive targets," said Amit Taneja, assistant director of the Syracuse University LGBT Resource Center at 750 Ostrom Ave.
Some people say the real problem is that these images of gay people with lots of disposable income and a sense of style are far removed from reality. And though Batson said that some gay people are effeminate or rich, that's not only what they are all about.
The under-representation of LGBT people of color on television or in advertisements is another issue that bothers Batson and Taneja, an Indian who migrated to Canada around 15 years ago.
"We have no role models and this is frustrating. People of color who are also part of the LGBT community don't see themselves in the media. They have no positive images when they come out. Gay youth is very impressionable and this makes it difficult for them to come out and not see people like us out there," said Batson, 28, who is also a graduate journalism student at S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.
Romine said stereotypes worried him too when he was a kid.
"When I was growing up in the '70s, there was a show on television called "Soap." This show starred Billy Crystal as a gay man who sometimes dressed as a woman and considered having sex reassignment surgery," he said. "The character was played as pretty campy and often as the butt of the joke. He was also the only gay character on television. The only one. So if you're a kid who realizes he's different and sees this as the only gay representation on television, you're going to worry that this is what you have to look forward to as an adult."
Some examples of common media stereotypes today are Jack on Will & Grace who is sassy and flamboyant, Adam, the quirky Filipino American on Half & Half, acid-tongued Neil in Twins, and the best friend Josh who is black on Emily's Reasons Why Not.?
Adrea Jaehnig, director of LGBT Resource Center, thinks mainstream media simplifies the lives of LGBT people for a joke. It is problematic because it does not reflect the reality, she said.
"Either our lives are funny or they are tragic. It is an incredibly narrow perspective on LGBT people. The humanity is often overlooked and it is very scary because these can have psychological effect on people and lead to violence," she said.
Andrew Augeri, coordinator of the LGBT center, feels that these negative and unrealistic portrayals are leading to people living a closeted life.
"This white image does not permit images of people of color, people of varying
abilities, body types, etc. to have airtime. And that invisibility of
people can prohibit or prolong the coming out process for someone who
doesn't see themselves represented in media outlets," he said.
GLAAD estimates that LGBT people represent only around 2 percent of the characters on television. The 2005 report finds that faces on network scripted shows continue to be predominantly white at 76%. African Americans make up 14% of the characterizations, Latina/os 6%, Asian Pacific Islanders represent 3%, with less than 1% making up other ethnicities.
Besides, another issue that is a product of the media portrayal is the near invisibility of bisexual and transgender people on television or in advertisements, said Augeri.
"I think this affluent, white male easily taints the view of who queer people are, to the extent that the bisexual and transgender communities rarely get spotlights into the issues and voices important to their lives," he said.
"One of the most interesting ironies of the LGBT media (because it does this as quickly as the mainstream media) is The Advocate. Its tagline is "the national
gay and lesbian magazine" meaning bisexual and transgender people are
not part of its reach despite countless articles on this segment of the
community. There is a lot of progressive work to do to really
understand who audiences are and what is "interesting" to people," he added.
But Jaehnig is hopeful and sees limited visibility as a good sign that will lead to discussions in the public space and thus lead to awareness.
"Today you see LGBT people on television, there are articles regularly written on them. It is an interesting development. We have seen the effect of silence, we now have to see what effect dialogue has," she said.
Brian Stout, president of OutRage, a campus-wide organization for LGBT people at Syracuse University, said it is just not the medium that contributes to stereotyping.
"It is one thing to put the image out there and another to buy into those images. I think that straight people need to recognize that all LGBT people are not what the media portrays. They need to rethink. Our lives are unfortunately not that glamorous. Everyone has multiple extensions to them," he said.
Another image that most often affect relationships between straight men and gay people is that the latter are promiscuous and do not believe in committed relationships.
Anand K. Jain, a graduate student at Maxwell School, Syracuse University, said after he met Batson, he felt he had misjudged gay people.
"I would hang out with you Roger. I mean it," he said to Batson at a common friend's house.
Jain always thought that gay people were all about sex and he dreaded going to gay bars in case he got hit on by people there.
Joe Carpenter, editor of All For One, a LGBT newsletter, and former editor of The Pink Paper, said it is difficult to propose a solution to the issue of stereotyping.
"When I was younger, it (stereotyping) angered me. Now I have become immune to it," he said. "But people should challenge these images when they see them. And gay people should go out and live their lives. This will show them as real people to others."
Romine feels that things are changing for the better and there are shows where LGBT characters are shown as leading normal lives. And this is especially true of the cable television, he said.
"Cable and reality television continue to present more diverse and realistic portrayals of the LGBT community, as well as gay and lesbian people of color. These characters face real-life issues concerning our community, such as marriage, parenting, workplace discrimination and religion," he said. "This leads to richer, more diverse representations - the kinds of images that help Americans understand and embrace their LGBT family members, friends and neighbors in a more meaningful way."
But Batson and his lifestyle are not what the media represents about the LGBT community. Most often gay people are portrayed by the media as white, affluent and flamboyant, while lesbians are either sexy women or masculine women commonly referred to as butch lesbians.
"Stereotypes exist in real life, so stereotypes also exist in the media because they are easy reference points when writers need to immediately make the audience understand that this is a gay character," said Damon Romine, entertainment media director, GLAAD. "Of course, stereotypes perpetuate more stereotypes, and the danger is that there is a risk that some people may come to believe that stereotypes represent all reality,"
Media stereotypes concern gay rights activists and LGBT people who think it results in prejudice and further isolate a community that is still struggling to get into the public forum.
"Stereotypes are there to oppress people. Gangsters, flaming gay guys, slutty women are common stereotypes. Designers use suggestive gay and lesbian images to sell their products. We are the second-largest spenders after the black community with a purchasing power of $600 billion a year and that's what makes us attractive targets," said Amit Taneja, assistant director of the Syracuse University LGBT Resource Center at 750 Ostrom Ave.
Some people say the real problem is that these images of gay people with lots of disposable income and a sense of style are far removed from reality. And though Batson said that some gay people are effeminate or rich, that's not only what they are all about.
The under-representation of LGBT people of color on television or in advertisements is another issue that bothers Batson and Taneja, an Indian who migrated to Canada around 15 years ago.
"We have no role models and this is frustrating. People of color who are also part of the LGBT community don't see themselves in the media. They have no positive images when they come out. Gay youth is very impressionable and this makes it difficult for them to come out and not see people like us out there," said Batson, 28, who is also a graduate journalism student at S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.
Romine said stereotypes worried him too when he was a kid.
"When I was growing up in the '70s, there was a show on television called "Soap." This show starred Billy Crystal as a gay man who sometimes dressed as a woman and considered having sex reassignment surgery," he said. "The character was played as pretty campy and often as the butt of the joke. He was also the only gay character on television. The only one. So if you're a kid who realizes he's different and sees this as the only gay representation on television, you're going to worry that this is what you have to look forward to as an adult."
Some examples of common media stereotypes today are Jack on Will & Grace who is sassy and flamboyant, Adam, the quirky Filipino American on Half & Half, acid-tongued Neil in Twins, and the best friend Josh who is black on Emily's Reasons Why Not.?
Adrea Jaehnig, director of LGBT Resource Center, thinks mainstream media simplifies the lives of LGBT people for a joke. It is problematic because it does not reflect the reality, she said.
"Either our lives are funny or they are tragic. It is an incredibly narrow perspective on LGBT people. The humanity is often overlooked and it is very scary because these can have psychological effect on people and lead to violence," she said.
Andrew Augeri, coordinator of the LGBT center, feels that these negative and unrealistic portrayals are leading to people living a closeted life.
"This white image does not permit images of people of color, people of varying
abilities, body types, etc. to have airtime. And that invisibility of
people can prohibit or prolong the coming out process for someone who
doesn't see themselves represented in media outlets," he said.
GLAAD estimates that LGBT people represent only around 2 percent of the characters on television. The 2005 report finds that faces on network scripted shows continue to be predominantly white at 76%. African Americans make up 14% of the characterizations, Latina/os 6%, Asian Pacific Islanders represent 3%, with less than 1% making up other ethnicities.
Besides, another issue that is a product of the media portrayal is the near invisibility of bisexual and transgender people on television or in advertisements, said Augeri.
"I think this affluent, white male easily taints the view of who queer people are, to the extent that the bisexual and transgender communities rarely get spotlights into the issues and voices important to their lives," he said.
"One of the most interesting ironies of the LGBT media (because it does this as quickly as the mainstream media) is The Advocate. Its tagline is "the national
gay and lesbian magazine" meaning bisexual and transgender people are
not part of its reach despite countless articles on this segment of the
community. There is a lot of progressive work to do to really
understand who audiences are and what is "interesting" to people," he added.
But Jaehnig is hopeful and sees limited visibility as a good sign that will lead to discussions in the public space and thus lead to awareness.
"Today you see LGBT people on television, there are articles regularly written on them. It is an interesting development. We have seen the effect of silence, we now have to see what effect dialogue has," she said.
Brian Stout, president of OutRage, a campus-wide organization for LGBT people at Syracuse University, said it is just not the medium that contributes to stereotyping.
"It is one thing to put the image out there and another to buy into those images. I think that straight people need to recognize that all LGBT people are not what the media portrays. They need to rethink. Our lives are unfortunately not that glamorous. Everyone has multiple extensions to them," he said.
Another image that most often affect relationships between straight men and gay people is that the latter are promiscuous and do not believe in committed relationships.
Anand K. Jain, a graduate student at Maxwell School, Syracuse University, said after he met Batson, he felt he had misjudged gay people.
"I would hang out with you Roger. I mean it," he said to Batson at a common friend's house.
Jain always thought that gay people were all about sex and he dreaded going to gay bars in case he got hit on by people there.
Joe Carpenter, editor of All For One, a LGBT newsletter, and former editor of The Pink Paper, said it is difficult to propose a solution to the issue of stereotyping.
"When I was younger, it (stereotyping) angered me. Now I have become immune to it," he said. "But people should challenge these images when they see them. And gay people should go out and live their lives. This will show them as real people to others."
Romine feels that things are changing for the better and there are shows where LGBT characters are shown as leading normal lives. And this is especially true of the cable television, he said.
"Cable and reality television continue to present more diverse and realistic portrayals of the LGBT community, as well as gay and lesbian people of color. These characters face real-life issues concerning our community, such as marriage, parenting, workplace discrimination and religion," he said. "This leads to richer, more diverse representations - the kinds of images that help Americans understand and embrace their LGBT family members, friends and neighbors in a more meaningful way."
the struggles, the hopes - when i met mike, a gay activist and hair stylist
It is that time again for Michael DeSalvo of Friends of Dorothy. A time to say final goodbye to his guest of one year who is suffering from HIV/AIDS and will not live beyond a few weeks according to doctors at University Hospital.
DeSalvo and Nick Orth, his partner of 16 years, have been taking in hospice patients as their guests for over 14 years, caring for them and making them part of their family. Those who come to their house at 212 Wayne St. are often fatally ill. Some have no where to go. A few are unloved and unwanted.
But they are always welcome at Friends of Dorothy - A Catholic Worker House.
“We provide a home for them, cook for them. Our guests are part of our family,” said DeSalvo. “Some move on, others pass away.”
In these 14 years, the couple has seen at least 30 of their guests die.
“It is an intense time. We become attached. When you wipe their ass, hold their head when they are puking, dress them, it is so intimate. Sometimes, I feel we know them more than their families do. And when they die, it is upsetting,” said DeSalvo who is a hairstylist and owns Hairnaoir, a beauty salon, at the intersection of Green and Catherine streets. When the condition of the guest becomes bad, DeSalvo cancels his appointments to be with him.
So while DeSalvo works at the salon, Orth stays at home to take care of the guest and run errands.
“He is our house husband,” said DeSalvo, 47, who met Orth at a demonstration at Syracuse in1989.
“It was love at first sight. He walked by and I said ‘who’s that?’,” he said.
At the time DeSalvo was in the process of getting a divorce from his wife of 13 years and Orth was living in Washington D.C.
DeSalvo, openly gay, said he always knew he was attracted to men but he was confused.
“I did not fit in the gay community. And I liked women too. May be I felt like that because of the pressures of the culture. But I am more gay than straight,” said DeSalvo who is now divorced. He has two step children.
For Orth too it was love at first sight. He had been in relationships before but they did not last. But with DeSalvo it was different. Orth moved to Syracuse in 1992 and together they started their home. He never felt like a marriage wrecker, said Orth, 42.
“I did not feel bad about his divorce. Never felt that because of me he lost something good. His marriage was bad and it was not working,” said Orth who is an artist and a carpenter.
Though DeSalvo and his partner have been together for a long time, they have not married.
“I am committed to him (Orth). I don’t believe in marriages,” he said adding that this is his way of showing to the world that being gay is not only about sex, it is about relationships too.
They do not have any children and Orth said DeSalvo jokes with his god-children that he expected them to take care of him when he grew old.
DeSalvo, an Italian, was born and brought up in Syracuse. He went to Henninger High School and after finishing high school went on to do courses in interior designing and beauty. He did the interiors of his salon, which he bought around two years ago. It has ochre yellow walls and maroon and dark brown furniture and little angels hanging from the ceilings.
“They look cool. One of my professors presented them to me,” he said.
The earnings from the salon pay for the house expenses. DeSalvo works with the University Hospital that refers patients to them. The couple does not have to worry about medical bills, which are usually taken care of by Medicaid. DeSalvo was taught how to take care of patients by nurses.
“We choose people who have the least amount of support. We keep one or two guests at a time so that we can give them proper care,” he said.
Things are not always easy for the couple. They have had bad times. Money has always been a problem.
“It is hard. When we first started, we had even less. We have always lived on a shoestring budget. I still don’t have health insurance because it costs money and we can’t afford it,” said Orth who does not work because someone is needed at home to take care of the guest.
But they have been working toward fund-raising by organizing and hosting dinners on Sundays and every first Wednesday of the month.
“Our friends have been generous with donations,” said DeSalvo who does not get any funding from the government nor does he want any.
“I like our autonomous status. I don’t have to worry about filling beds,” he said.
They have also been publishing a newsletter called Friends of Dorothy since 2003 to inform their donors and supporters about their work. Both DeSalvo and Orth write for the letter , which they design and publish themselves.
The Catholic Worker Movement started in the 1930s by Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin inspired the duo to provide hospitality to the needy.
“This is our way of observing our religion. When everything collapses, someone needs to be working to pick up the pieces and this is what we do,” DeSalvo said.
Hope, who has been a guest at Friends of Dorothy, and now helps DeSalvo and Orth in their work, said if it were not for them, she would have died in a nursing home.
“I had AIDS and I stayed with them for seven months. They are my adopted parents. They cared for me better than my father. I consider them as angels that God put in my path. I feel blessed. They are now the constant in my life,” she said.
Hope came to stay at DeSalvo’s home around eight years ago and said she was very ill at the time. The doctors said she just had two more weeks left. And she owes her survival to the two men.
His customers love him. Kelly Donahue who came to get her hair cut, said she just loved DeSalvo for what he did for the community.
“He is very special for what he does outside his work. He is my Michael,” she said.
Donahue has been coming to Hairanoir for nine years.
Tom Burbank, who works at the salon, said he loved working with DeSalvo and appreciates his community work .
“I respect him immensely. There is a huge need for this kind of work,” he said.
DeSalvo has been involved with community service for a long time. He used to be a visitor at jails and an HIV positive prisoner inspired him to work with HIV/AIDS patients, he said.
The home is not part of the Catholic Church. And though he does not agree with many of beliefs of the church, DeSalvo still keeps his faith and attends mass at times.
“I call my work ‘peace politics’. Communion to me is having dinner with my guests. I don’t agree with the church but I am not going to let them drive me out. It is sad when people give up their faith because of institutions,” he said.
The Catholic Church recently barred gay people from becoming priests according to a New York Times report that was published in September.
“It is a disservice to us. They are using power and privilege to control sexuality. They are recreating what Christ changed for example, the way they treat women,” he said.
DeSalvo said though he is gay himself, he does not like the exclusionist approach of the gay movement.
“I have kept myself away from such groups. Groups scare me. I feel angry at the gay community for excluding transgender people,” he said. “I work with the marginalized people. I work to support transgender people. They need our compassion.”
The neighborhood in which they live is gay-friendly and most houses have the rainbow-colored flag hanging from their parapets or windows to show support for gays and lesbians.
“I don’t like this. LGBT issues should become non-issues. This is boxing ourselves,” he said.
DeSalvo is comfortable with his life and identity. But sometimes he wants to escape from his world. He wants to travel.
“I want to go to Italy, Europe. I want to go to a beach. Maybe I can do that sometime. I could never do it because I never had money,” he said.
The couple took a year off around three years ago but stayed at home. Orth was sick at the time.
“We could not stay away from work for a long time. We do think about going on vacations sometimes. Our work and home are inseparable,” said Orth.
A judge at Utica once told DeSalvo after he was arrested for protesting in a civil disobedience march in the 1990s that he was meant to do community service. He could not have been more correct.
DeSalvo and Nick Orth, his partner of 16 years, have been taking in hospice patients as their guests for over 14 years, caring for them and making them part of their family. Those who come to their house at 212 Wayne St. are often fatally ill. Some have no where to go. A few are unloved and unwanted.
But they are always welcome at Friends of Dorothy - A Catholic Worker House.
“We provide a home for them, cook for them. Our guests are part of our family,” said DeSalvo. “Some move on, others pass away.”
In these 14 years, the couple has seen at least 30 of their guests die.
“It is an intense time. We become attached. When you wipe their ass, hold their head when they are puking, dress them, it is so intimate. Sometimes, I feel we know them more than their families do. And when they die, it is upsetting,” said DeSalvo who is a hairstylist and owns Hairnaoir, a beauty salon, at the intersection of Green and Catherine streets. When the condition of the guest becomes bad, DeSalvo cancels his appointments to be with him.
So while DeSalvo works at the salon, Orth stays at home to take care of the guest and run errands.
“He is our house husband,” said DeSalvo, 47, who met Orth at a demonstration at Syracuse in1989.
“It was love at first sight. He walked by and I said ‘who’s that?’,” he said.
At the time DeSalvo was in the process of getting a divorce from his wife of 13 years and Orth was living in Washington D.C.
DeSalvo, openly gay, said he always knew he was attracted to men but he was confused.
“I did not fit in the gay community. And I liked women too. May be I felt like that because of the pressures of the culture. But I am more gay than straight,” said DeSalvo who is now divorced. He has two step children.
For Orth too it was love at first sight. He had been in relationships before but they did not last. But with DeSalvo it was different. Orth moved to Syracuse in 1992 and together they started their home. He never felt like a marriage wrecker, said Orth, 42.
“I did not feel bad about his divorce. Never felt that because of me he lost something good. His marriage was bad and it was not working,” said Orth who is an artist and a carpenter.
Though DeSalvo and his partner have been together for a long time, they have not married.
“I am committed to him (Orth). I don’t believe in marriages,” he said adding that this is his way of showing to the world that being gay is not only about sex, it is about relationships too.
They do not have any children and Orth said DeSalvo jokes with his god-children that he expected them to take care of him when he grew old.
DeSalvo, an Italian, was born and brought up in Syracuse. He went to Henninger High School and after finishing high school went on to do courses in interior designing and beauty. He did the interiors of his salon, which he bought around two years ago. It has ochre yellow walls and maroon and dark brown furniture and little angels hanging from the ceilings.
“They look cool. One of my professors presented them to me,” he said.
The earnings from the salon pay for the house expenses. DeSalvo works with the University Hospital that refers patients to them. The couple does not have to worry about medical bills, which are usually taken care of by Medicaid. DeSalvo was taught how to take care of patients by nurses.
“We choose people who have the least amount of support. We keep one or two guests at a time so that we can give them proper care,” he said.
Things are not always easy for the couple. They have had bad times. Money has always been a problem.
“It is hard. When we first started, we had even less. We have always lived on a shoestring budget. I still don’t have health insurance because it costs money and we can’t afford it,” said Orth who does not work because someone is needed at home to take care of the guest.
But they have been working toward fund-raising by organizing and hosting dinners on Sundays and every first Wednesday of the month.
“Our friends have been generous with donations,” said DeSalvo who does not get any funding from the government nor does he want any.
“I like our autonomous status. I don’t have to worry about filling beds,” he said.
They have also been publishing a newsletter called Friends of Dorothy since 2003 to inform their donors and supporters about their work. Both DeSalvo and Orth write for the letter , which they design and publish themselves.
The Catholic Worker Movement started in the 1930s by Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin inspired the duo to provide hospitality to the needy.
“This is our way of observing our religion. When everything collapses, someone needs to be working to pick up the pieces and this is what we do,” DeSalvo said.
Hope, who has been a guest at Friends of Dorothy, and now helps DeSalvo and Orth in their work, said if it were not for them, she would have died in a nursing home.
“I had AIDS and I stayed with them for seven months. They are my adopted parents. They cared for me better than my father. I consider them as angels that God put in my path. I feel blessed. They are now the constant in my life,” she said.
Hope came to stay at DeSalvo’s home around eight years ago and said she was very ill at the time. The doctors said she just had two more weeks left. And she owes her survival to the two men.
His customers love him. Kelly Donahue who came to get her hair cut, said she just loved DeSalvo for what he did for the community.
“He is very special for what he does outside his work. He is my Michael,” she said.
Donahue has been coming to Hairanoir for nine years.
Tom Burbank, who works at the salon, said he loved working with DeSalvo and appreciates his community work .
“I respect him immensely. There is a huge need for this kind of work,” he said.
DeSalvo has been involved with community service for a long time. He used to be a visitor at jails and an HIV positive prisoner inspired him to work with HIV/AIDS patients, he said.
The home is not part of the Catholic Church. And though he does not agree with many of beliefs of the church, DeSalvo still keeps his faith and attends mass at times.
“I call my work ‘peace politics’. Communion to me is having dinner with my guests. I don’t agree with the church but I am not going to let them drive me out. It is sad when people give up their faith because of institutions,” he said.
The Catholic Church recently barred gay people from becoming priests according to a New York Times report that was published in September.
“It is a disservice to us. They are using power and privilege to control sexuality. They are recreating what Christ changed for example, the way they treat women,” he said.
DeSalvo said though he is gay himself, he does not like the exclusionist approach of the gay movement.
“I have kept myself away from such groups. Groups scare me. I feel angry at the gay community for excluding transgender people,” he said. “I work with the marginalized people. I work to support transgender people. They need our compassion.”
The neighborhood in which they live is gay-friendly and most houses have the rainbow-colored flag hanging from their parapets or windows to show support for gays and lesbians.
“I don’t like this. LGBT issues should become non-issues. This is boxing ourselves,” he said.
DeSalvo is comfortable with his life and identity. But sometimes he wants to escape from his world. He wants to travel.
“I want to go to Italy, Europe. I want to go to a beach. Maybe I can do that sometime. I could never do it because I never had money,” he said.
The couple took a year off around three years ago but stayed at home. Orth was sick at the time.
“We could not stay away from work for a long time. We do think about going on vacations sometimes. Our work and home are inseparable,” said Orth.
A judge at Utica once told DeSalvo after he was arrested for protesting in a civil disobedience march in the 1990s that he was meant to do community service. He could not have been more correct.
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